Kuigi elu on siin viimastel nädalatel igasugu kaikaid meile kodaratesse loopida proovinud, oligi ühel väiksel perioodil tunne, et no kui hakkab minema, siis lähebki kogu täiega. See lause, et sa ei oska asju hinnata enne, kui need läinud on, sai ka taaskord tähenduse. Veider on midagi sellist, nagu seda on töö, iseenesestmõistetavaks pidada…
See, et sa hommikul üles tõusma ja tööle minema pead, on fakt. Selleks, et elada, on raha vaja, ka see on fakt. Omal nahal sain tunda, kui habras on olla, kui üks sinu igapäevaelu alustaladest ära kaob ja kõik justkui võngub.
Väga muserdav oli nentida, et olen oma eluga pea samas kohas, kus olin aasta tagasi. Abielus ja lapsega, aga jätkuvalt tööotsinguil.
Tänane päev on jälle palju perspektiivi andnud (ja ühtlasi siinseid blogipesa lugejaid säästnud nii mitmestki postitusest, mis mul postitamata on jäänud – sealhulgas probleemid, probleemid, probleemid, allakäigu algus, allakäik ise, tööotsingud ja muu tore), tõestades taaskord, et elu käibki niiviisi lainetena. Et iga halb on millekski hea ja et iga halli pilve taga on peidus vikerkaar.
Eelmise nädala reedel koputas saatus õlale – tagantjärgi on neid samme vahva mõelda ja meenutada. Üks mu tuttav, kellele oma muresid trennis ja eraelus kurdan (mis tuttav, tänaseks on ta mulle ikka sõbranna eest, mis siis, et vanusevahet meil 10+ aastat!), jagas mu seinale oma tuttava postitust, kes otsis oma firmasse töölist. Haarasin kohe härjal sarvist ja kirjutasin KOHE. Mõtlemata. Instinktiivselt. Tund aega peale seda, kui olin CV saatnud, sain juba vastuse, et vestlusele oodatakse esmaspäeval. Täna.
Olin sama närvis nagu kirjandieelsel tunnil. Higistasin nagu patune pihitoolis. Aeg venis. Söögiisu ei olnud. Tahtsin ainult kindlust – mingitki majakat siia halli öhe.
Ja siis ma sain vestlema, lõpuks! Olin täiesti mina ise ja keeldusin end üle müümast. Ma ei salli s**ta ja seda ma kohe põhimõtte pärast ei serveeri. Kes teab, võib-olla ei saa ma seetõttu miljonäriks, aga vähemalt jään ma endaks. Küsisime-vastasime vastastikku ja läksime laiali positiivse emotsiooniga. Lubati kaaluda ja mõelda, teised kandidaadid üle kuulata ning homse päeva jooksul teada anda.
Koju jalutades tabas mind pingelangus… Avastasin, et õues on nii-nii külm ja Keioga telefonitsi muljetades jõudsid mu käed umbes kolm korda ära külmuda. Nii palju emotsioone ja mõtteid!! Saatsin võnkeid universumile, mõtlesin häid mõtteid ja proovisin sellele praadimisperioodile mitte mõelda. Et aeg jumala eest veidi kiiremini läheks!
Põnnil läks täna lasteaias kauem kui tavaliselt. Ühtlasi oli ta ka ülemeelikum kui tavaliselt ning kui ma koduteel teda ühest peaaegu august välja koukima hakkasin, tundsin, et taskus helises telefon.
Poiss kaenlas, vastasin. Ähkisin ja puhkisin ilmselt rohkem kui kunagi varem, aga sain aru, et see oli tegevjuht. Küsis, et mis ma arvan, kuidas mul vestlusel läks. Vastasin veidi ebalevalt “Hästi?” (sest ma tõsimeeli arvasingi, et mul läks hästi), mille peale kuulsin parimat lauset üle pika-pika aja: “Läkski hästi. Sa osutusid valituks!”
Ja teate, mis? Täna joome me šampust ja oleme elule tänulikud. Kohe ikka väga tänulikud!
Life has been busy throwing boulders on our way and for a little while it seemed that when we were going on a downward spiral, we were going on it haaaaard. The thing they say about appreciating things when you still have them got a new meaning again. It’s weird to take something like a job for granted…
You have to get up in the morning and go to work – that’s a fact. In order to live today you need money – that’s a fact.
I got to feel on my own skin how unbalanced it seems when one of your daily pillars gets taken away and everything gets really shaky all of a sudden.
It was so very frustrating to state that I was in the same exact place I was almost a year ago.25, married and with a kid, and still looking for a job.
Today has given me much perspective (and saved a bunch of you from posts about problems, problems, problems, the beginning of the downfall, the downfall itself, looking for a job and all other things nice), proving that life indeed works in waves. That every bad is good for something and that there is indeed a rainbow behind every grey cloud.
On last week’s Friday, Fate decided to knock – now reminiscing it’s kind of fun to think back on those steps. One of my acquaintances to whom I complain my worries of daily life at training (can’t say acquaintance, she’s more of a friend to me already, even though we have an age gap of 10+ years), shared a facebook job offering on my wall, stating that a certain person was looking for a do-er to her firm. I grabbed the bull from it’s horns and wrote to her immediately. Without thinking. Instinctively. An hour after sending my CV, I received an e-mail, saying that they would like to converse with me on Monday. That’s today.
I was as nervous as I was during the hour before my big literature paper. Sweating like a sinner at confessional. Time was moving so slowly. I couldn’t eat. All I wanted was certainty – a light of somesort into this dark night.
And then they finally called me in! I was as me as I could be and refused to oversell. I hate bulls**t and I won’t serve it, ever. Who knows, maybe I won’t be a millionaire because of that, but at least I’ll be me. So we asked and answered in turns and left each other with a postitive emotion. That said they’d weigh and consider, hear all the other candidates and let me know tomorrow.
Walking home a pang of relief hit me… I discovered it was freezing outside and while chatting and recapping the event that just happened I swear that my hands literally froze like, three times. So many emotions! So many thoughts! I sent all my vibes out into the Universe, thought only the best of thoughts and tried absolutely not to think on the frying period that was about to follow. Oh please make the time go faster!
The kid took his time at kindergarten. Overall he was feeling way mischievious than usual and when I was in the middle of haggling him out of a hole on the way home, I felt my phone ring in the pocket. Holding Kris in one arm (who was rapidly fighting fo his dear freedom) I managed to answer. Hell, I was huffing and puffing way more than was normal, but I figured the voice out – it was the CEO. She asked me how I thought I did at the interview. I managed to cluck out a shaky “Fine?” (’cause I really did think I did mighty fine), after which I heard the best sentence in a long while: “You did do fine. You are the chosen one!”
Needless to say we are drinking champagne today. And we are oh so grateful to life right now! So grateful!
A for Andra 